I’m feeling scared and vulnerable today and the only thing that will make it better is getting one of these little buggers, an Alaskan Malamute pup. Apparently at about four weeks old these things are already six foot tall. OK, not really but almost and they are truly wonderful beasts. Lookit her. And I need one now, right now, because I’m getting a diagnosis tomorrow morning and I swear, if it turns out I have cancer again (which I’m now told is a more than 60% likelihood because of all the radiotherapy I had when I was 19, what the actual fuck), I will be so unimpressed with having to have chemo not again, no no please no after my surgery in three weeks’ time that I will be smashing all of the things and then sitting among the ruins crying. I will not be going “gently into that good night”, oh no, and only a puppy will be able to make me feel calm again. Wish me luck.
Actually no, don’t wish me luck. Send me puppies. Or just one. I will call her “Bear” and we will never be apart and nothing bad will ever happen again.